I Wrote This For You

The Writer

Siti Nurul Ain.
A writer; a once upon a time dream.
A teacher; a searching love. A walking blank paper.

Saturday, June 12, 2010, 10:45:00 PM

bonding time.

The day started weird today.

Actually, it started normally. Noisy(aka my Mama's nagging) and lazy.

I had bonding/quality time with Bapak today.

It was weird. Nice but weird. Nice weird. Weirdly nice. =)

What started out to just going to the hospital together and then to JP to sign up for my line, reaps out more than I ever thought.

I expect those awkward silence/talks that usually happen between us.

But surprisingly, there was none.

And I for one, who doesn't stand trying to act cute/close/Bapak's girl, was actually acting like one!

I mean, c'mon! It's me we're talking about!

I don't go ard kissing people's ass, trying to act cute or whatevernots.

After spending most of the evening at JP with Mama and Makciks, he accompanied me to cut my hair.

Thank you Allah, for letting me have this chance.

This chance to feel that I was actually loved and remembered by the Bapak that I always cursed at.

The Bapak whom I've hated for favouring my younger brother.

The Bapak whom I've grown to detest for everything that happened whenver I was angry.

The Bapak whom I avoid to be left alone with.

The Bapak whom I grow to believe in what he says in the heat of moment.

Thank you Allah.

For opening my eyes.

For this chance that may/may not come again.

For this reminder of why I've once loved this Man oh-so-greatly.

For those times that I was ashamed that you were my Dad.

For the moments that I've forgotten he's a Man, with mistakes.

For the moments that I've grown to hate that he was my Bapak.

For all the times I am accountable for, I could never muster the courage to say it to him.

Bapak, please forgive me for all my wrongs.

Please forgive me for hating you.

Please forgive me for asking why are you my Dad, and not why am I born your child.

Please forgive me for ignoring the fact that you worked so hard.

Please ignore me for being an ignorant and rude child.

Please, forgive me.

I love you Bapak.